Weddings can be stressful, everyone knows that; but having your wedding plans interrupted by a novel super-virus from outer space (slight exaggeration on that last part) is almost guaranteed to double down on stress levels. For some of the couples we’re talking to it’s that they have their heart set on a certain date, for others, they have been anticipating their wedding for so long they absolutely-positively- cannot-wait-another-day to marry the love of their life – virus be damned! Regardless, they are stressed about this sudden change in circumstances, confused from by-the-minute updates, and have been asking us for help.
If you find yourself in a similar position – still wanting to have your wedding, but not sure about what to do – Sweet Grass Weddings is here to give you some advice on tiny weddings, social distancing, and love in the time of coronavirus. Here are answers to 5 of the most commonly asked questions we are hearing right now.
1. Can we still get married?
Of course, you can! In fact, this is the time that a tiny wedding really shines. Right now, CDC is saying that 8 weeks is the estimated peak window for transmission; so, if your wedding date is set beyond that timeline, we think it’s fair to keep on planning. However, if you’re currently inside of the 8-week window, no need to slam the sash on your dreams, you can still take advantage of a great setting, fabulous pictures, and a small group of intimates – tiny wedding style – to create your special day. The biggest thing to be aware of if you take this approach is that many probate courts are requiring couples to book appointments to apply for their marriage license. Also, plan your venue accordingly, places like state parks are still open right now, but their services (like restrooms!) aren’t.
2. What should we do about social distancing at our wedding?
Keep it tiny! CDC guidelines discourage any gathering over 10 people so if you want to include a large group of your loved ones for the celebration, we have been suggesting that you livestream your event.
For the in-person celebration, consider arranging your seating with social distancing standards in mind
to make it seamless for people. The best approach is to think about creative ways of creating a shared
experience but at a distance. What’s in: personal bubbles, line dancing, sanitation stations, and giving
air hugs. What’s out: close talkers, open coughing or sneezing, sharing food or drink, and anyone with a
temperature.
3. How can we keep our wedding guests safe, but still have our ceremony?
Everyone is making an extra effort to keep things clean right now and your wedding venue is no
different. Making sure that surfaces have been wiped down and make sure that all guests are symptom-free are easy front-line defenses. Offering homemade hand-sanitizer might even be a fun wedding favor for those in attendance. And most importantly, make sure that you talk to your guests about staying home if they are in, or have contact with, a vulnerable population like elders or the immunocompromised.
4. Is it still safe to get a wedding cake or serve food to our guests?
In a word, yes; but maybe with some modifications. For example, if you want to have cake service you
might consider mixing it up a bit and going with cupcakes, rather than cake you have to slice; and
definitely skip any thoughts on a buffet or family-style meal. If you’re going digital, consider placing take-out orders from the same a local restaurant (they need the love right now) and have a shared virtual supper after the ceremony. Remember that bakeries and caterers always follow strict health and safety guidelines so it is still considered safe to use these services.
5. What do we do if our venue closes?
If your venue has closed, and you’re still moving on with your wedding, you’re probably the type of
person who can adapt and overcome, so get creative! Consider a park space or even a friend’s
backyard. We already mentioned that some places might be open, but not offering public services, so if you absolutely need certain amenities (bathrooms, air conditioning, running water) you might want to look into renting an Air BnB or vacation home. Also consider that many services, like ours at Sweet Grass Weddings, may already have contingency plans so don’t forget to ask what those might look like.
No matter what option you decide to choose, the important thing is to listen to your heart, but lead with your head. While you don’t have to put your world – or your wedding – on hold for Covid-19; it is important to stay safe and well so you can enjoy your new nuptial bliss to its fullest.
Black is Back for Modern Brides
While the form a wedding will take varies from event to event, there are some common features like dresses, flowers, and cake that typically remain consistent. Yet even then, one of the things I’ve noticed about modern weddings is that while they may borrow from tradition, they’re not afraid to break with it either. Modern brides are not shy about taking matters into their own hands when it comes to what they want from their wedding and one of the great platforms for showcasing this independent spirit comes in the form the wedding dress.
While it used to be virtually taboo for brides to wear a color other than white, or perhaps a tasteful ivory, to their wedding now its common to see dresses in hues of blush, lavender, sage, and even the occasional black. Yes, black. It’s true. While white is still the clear favorite when it comes to buying a wedding dress there are a number of brides who prefer the striking look of inky black. In this break with the rules of traditional attire brides are keeping the fancy dress, but gravitating towards a look that makes them feel beautiful and empowered, rather than demure and angelic. These are not your blushing brides of the past. These are fierce, independent women who want to showcase their personality and style through their wedding’s most eye catching statement piece – the dress.
What’s interesting in this case is that the tradition of wearing a white wedding dress was not broadly adopted by the public until the mid to late 1800’s. Some say it started in 1840 when Queen Victoria wore a white silk dress replete with handmade lace for her nuptials to Prince Albert. Of course, at that time with the expense and difficulty of making white cloth such dresses were only available to the richest and most elite brides. For those who could not afford a white dress it was common for brides to press their best dress into service as their wedding dress, regardless of the color. But with the improvements in textile manufacturing that followed Queen Victoria’s highly publicized wedding, along with the weddings of French Empress Eugnie in 1853, Princess Victoria in 1857, and Princess Alexandra in 1863 – all of whom wore white – the stage was set for the creation of a wedding trend that has prevailed in popular culture to this very day.
That said a lot has changed in the wedding industry even in the last 5-10 years, which means that modern brides now feel freer to challenge tradition and put their own spin on a well-established formula. Economically speaking brides that go noir often do so with practicality in mind. For one, they want to wear their dress again and there’s something to be said for a classic black dress versus what will always, very obviously, be a white wedding gown. Striking cuts, rich fabrics, and understated elegance are some of the calling cards of midnight-hued bridal couture, and that’s one reason that black is increasingly the go-to choice for an adventurous, fashion-forward bride.
Embracing this high-drama approach are designers like Vera Wang, HOUGHTON, and Sareh Nouri, among others, who include amazing couture gowns among the ranks of their bridal attire. However, you don’t have to go full black-out to get the impact of the look; using high contract detailing, like piping or lace accents provides another great way to bring black into your wedding wardrobe if you don’t want to create too many waves. Ultimately, the lesson behind the black wedding dress is to embrace your inner design maven. If she yearns for hues of jet, onyx, or obsidian over shades of pearl, cream, or alabaster then feel free to let her loose because – after all – black is back on the table for the modern bride.
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Rain On Your Wedding Day
This week our guest blogger, Lillie Read, gives you a step by step guide on how to stay graceful in the event of rain on your wedding day. However, if you book an elopement or tiny wedding with Sweet Grass Weddings, we have already taken many precautions to keep our wedding couples dry and happy!
As a child of the 90s I can’t think about rain and weddings without simultaneously hearing “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette in my head. And while there are some who would argue – at literally any opportunity – that rain on your wedding day is not an example of irony, but coincidence; I think everyone can agree that wedding-day rain is one of the most anxiety causing aspects of having an outdoor wedding.
Now, if you are planning to have your wedding outside, I think it fairly safe to assume that you like the outdoors and respect Nature as a potentially fickle mistress. That said, forewarned is forearmed so with a little preplanning you can prepare an excellent contingency plan that will allow you to rest easy on your wedding day knowing that, whatever happens, you are covered – so to speak.
Since you won’t get a hint about the weather forecast until about 10 days before the wedding (always the busiest time) it is important to have your Plan B in place well before that happens. When it comes to inclement weather, attitude and fortitude are what will carry the day but a good plan will allow you to have some extra breathing room if things suddenly take a turn for the worse. Here are some tips to help get you started.
Scout Your Location In Advance
The location is one of the most important features of the wedding experience and once the perfect location is found, it can be hard to imagine going anywhere else. That being said,have you taken a moment to determine where you can go if it rains? Not just where you will have the ceremony, but where you will hold the reception, take the pictures, and even park. Consider the terrain then imagine it in the rain – you don’t want your fancy event tent to be situated in middle of a low-lying or poorly drained field, for instance. A little advance work in this department can save you a lot of heartache on the actual day. If you’re preparing for rain you also have to prepare to get creative, so don’t forget deep overhangs or heavy foliage as places where you can dash for some dry pictures during the event.
Talk To Your Wedding Photographer 
If you’re having an outdoor wedding make sure your photographer is prepared to shoot in the rain and knows how to get great shots. Backlighting yourself against the rain drops can create a wonderful sparkling effect and don’t forget to use city lights and street lights as ways of playing off the rain. Of course storm clouds, and even rainbows, can crop up on a rainy day and both will create amazing drama in a shot. Then there’s the use of reflection; in puddles, on wet pavements, or in windows these images always have a lot of interest and appeal. Finally, there is motion – splashing in puddles, ducking under umbrellas, running through the rain, there is a host of ways to invite the rain into your pictures rather than keeping it at arm’s length. The most important thing is that your photographer is confident in their skills and can take charge of the situation, leaving you free to go with the flow.
Be Flexible With Your Timeline
Your Plan B may not have the same flow as Plan A, so be flexible with your timeline to avoid a meltdown if it rains. Find a good weather radar app and check it before the event. A pop-up shower will look different than a tropical storm so you should be able to see whether the rain is just passing through or here for the duration. Also consider that there may be a break in the rain when you least expect it, so be prepared to take advantage of that. Make sure your photographer knows to look for breaks in the weather so they can direct people for pictures as necessary. Don’t forget to talk with your band or DJ about how they can cover any gaps in the timeline should such a break occur. You may even want to have a few rain themed songs on hand just to be safe.
Bring Backup Gear
Infrastructure is essential. There are a few key items that can turn rain from a disaster into a memorable event and chief among them are umbrellas, rain boots, towels, and garbage bags. With umbrellas and rain boots first decide if you want to pick up a coordinated set for your wedding party or if you want something stand-out for yourself. Consider your colors when making a selection or opt for a clear umbrella, which lets in extra light for your photographer. Rain boots will let you conquer even the soggiest terrain, which will grant you rainy day photography options that heels could only dream of. Don’t forget to keep the tags on everything so they can be returned if it’s sunny, but definitely make sure to plan this in advance. Though humble, towels and garbage bags are also crucial if rain is threatening. They can dry off wet surfaces, protect clothes during pictures, and will help delicate equipment, like cameras, sound systems, and electronics stay safe from the weather.
Consider Hair and Make-up
Hair and make-up can be challenging to maintain in the rain, but there are some things you can do for preemptive damage control. Use a high quality primer to help your make-up set and opt for a lightweight moisturizer which will help keep shine down in high humidity. Blotting papers are also a great item to have on hand because they will control shine without adding extra color and they’re easy to keep with you throughout the day. For a truly weather-proof look consider airbrushed make-up, which is very long wearing, lasting from 12-24 hours. A silicone based formula will provide a virtually waterproof finish and the final product will be truly flawless no matter what the day brings. Lastly, waterproof mascara, which is a must for any wedding, is essential when rain is threatening. Then, if you do get rained on and need to dry off, make sure to pat your face dry – don’t rub! And, as a last resort you can always check to see if your make-up artist will stay at least part way through the event to provide touch ups as needed.
Share Your Plan B
Now that you’ve done all this planning, make sure to share your thoughts with your wedding planner, fiancé, best friend, parent, or other trusted person. This is particularly important for DIY weddings that don’t have a planner. Make sure somebody knows not only what to do (move gifts inside, set up party tent, find umbrellas) but how to do it (put gifts on patio table, find party tent in hall closet, get umbrellas from green bag). Choose someone outside of the wedding party who you know will be able to implement and delegate because those crucial few moments before you walk down the aisle should be reserved for calming nerves and reflecting on the moment, not moving chairs or hunting for infrastructure.
When All Else Fails – Smile
There is an old proverb that says: “Man plans and God laughs”. It is a good reminder that, even with all this planning, you may yet be surprised on your wedding day. The most important thing to remember is that your wedding is a joyous occasion and you should treat is as such. Your attitude is going to be the biggest determiner of how you, and your guests, remember your wedding so try to maintain a positive perspective. If you are exuding happiness and love then people will respond to that because there is literally nothing more radiant than a happy couple on their wedding day. Remind yourself to let your joy shine even if the sun isn’t. Regardless of the weather, focus on the symbolism of what is taking place and reflect on the fact that it is harder to untie a wet knot than a dry one. If you and your intended can forge through bad weather, adapt to unexpected circumstances, and maintain grace and aplomb while doing it then you’re well on your way to developing the skills needed for a successful marriage.
How to Cancel Your Wedding and Elope Instead
This blog was guest written by Lillie Read
The renegade tradition of elopement has, in all likelihood, been around nearly as long as the storied institution of marriage. For much of our history, and in some places still today, a woman was considered her father’s property until she married, which often made eloping a necessity in the event of a contested or controversial courtship. In those days, choosing to elope was a daunting and sometimes risky prospect. Now, most modern couples now have the luxury of turning to elopement as a choice, rather than a necessity, but the thorny question still remains – how does one announce that an elopement will take place (or has already…)?
If there are currently plans in the works to hold a wedding this confessional process may become a bit more complicated; particularly if deposits have been paid and services booked. Now, you always have the option of doing what one of my dear friends did – take the $10,000 your parents gave you for expenses and abscond to Jamaica – but that approach may not resonate for everyone. In which case, what does one do when it becomes clear that eloping is the right choice?
First things first – take a deep breath and remember that your wedding is, most importantly, all about YOU. The ceremony is a reflection of your commitment to your mate so the only misstep you can make is not being true to what you want. Now with that done, the next consideration is how to break the news to your friends and family, which may cause some tension. It is advisable to prepare yourself for mixed reactions, but try your best to keep the “elopement prime directive” in mind – your wedding is all about you.
The best thing to do is to inform those closest to you about your decision in advance. If you want to do the wedding solo, kindly – but firmly – telling them of your decision helps avoid hurt feelings and surprises after the fact. Finding creative ways of making them feel included in the experience can go a long way towards smoothing any ruffled feathers so consider having a priority picture viewing party or allowing your loved ones to host a post-elopement reception. In all likelihood your people just want the opportunity to celebrate this life changing event with you, so try and be sensitive to that in your approach.
Then there is the question of money. If you have decided to elope after your wedding has been booked, money is often one of the first issues to crop up; especially if you have family contributing funds to the wedding. Before you dismiss the idea of elopement talk to the family members in question and see where they stand – you may find yourself pleasantly surprised. If money has already been put down on a venue, or services, then offer to pay back that amount, or deduct it from the overall budget. While it may not be necessary, it comes across as respectful of the contribution and will certainly be appreciated. This too can help alleviate some of the uncertainty that comes with announcing a significant change of plans.
Of course, part of the appeal of eloping is that it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg – one does not have to go to Jamaica, after all, to have a great wedding. Planning a small, intimate ceremony is increasingly popular and in many ways this approach offers far more flexibility for creating an intensely personal and meaningful experience. With that in mind, don’t forget to record the event and hire a knowledgeable person to help it go smoothly. Even though you may not want all the trappings that come with a big wedding, there are three things you DO want when planning an elopement: a local planner, a good photographer, and a reliable officiant.
As with any wedding the pinnacle of the event is the presentation of the newly wedded couple. With an elopement your big reveal happens a little differently but you shouldn’t be afraid to celebrate it all the same. Take time to send wedding announcements so people are sure to know about this life changing event. Not only does it create excitement for the recipient, it underscores that your wedding – though small – was important. Take time to share pictures via social media, email, or even post mail and allow folks the opportunity to connect with your wedding and share in your joy.
No matter what your approach, make sure to honor yourself and don’t be afraid to stand up for your vision. If all else fails – there’s still Jamaica. 
Have Your Grandmother’s Wedding
This blog is guest written by Lillie Read
Pop-up weddings have always existed, even if they were not named as such. For some people this approach will always result in the perfect wedding – simple, intimate, and fun. It’s easy to focus on the best part of your wedding day when you’re not worrying about whether the napkins match the flowers, or whether the caterer has enough mini-éclairs. A simple ceremony allows the most important parts of a wedding day – love, commitment, and celebration – to create their own ambiance and atmosphere. If I want proof of that theory, I only have to look back two generations, to my grandmother’s wedding, to see it in action.
My grandmother was a war bride. The original plan between her and my grandfather – the two were high school sweethearts – was to wait until “all of this war business” was over before they got married and started a family. But war has a funny way of changing plans, the result of which was a speedy wedding held January 30, 1945 during a rare period of shore leave after a prolonged separation.
My grandfather was home, but they did not know for how long. He had just finished extended tours in the South Pacific, surviving injury, malaria, and being lost behind enemy lines. This stark reality of war- time romance meant that my grandparents decided to take advantage of their brief reunion to marry, cementing their bond so they could face the unknown together. They were married within days of my grandfather’s return, with only their family and closest friends as witness.
In spite of the austere circumstances, the deprivations of war and the limitations of rationing, their pictures are serene, joyful, and inspiring. It is clear that, for their wedding, my grandparents needed only each other, and the opportunity to formalize what was already in their hearts. This was the theme of so many weddings held during that time, and it captures the essence and the spirit of today’s pop-up wedding.
War-time weddings were typically thoughtful, simple, and discrete affairs. Granted, this was often by necessity – goods were rationed and people had to “make-do” – but these events were never short on emotion, and that is the take away. As John Lennon wrote some 20 years later “Love is all you need” and that is certainly the case with pop-up weddings. You pick the setting, bring the love, and that is all you need.
Going back to the idea of simple, intimate, and fun; that is the example to look to when having your grandmother’s wedding. If the idea of a no-fuss event sounds appealing; if you feel like all you really need is you, your partner, and maybe a small group of intimates; if the ceremony is just a means for formalizing what you already know to be true; or if you just want to save time, materials, and sanity then consider having your grandmother’s wedding with a modern day twist. A pop-up wedding will be able to capture a spirit of simplicity that will stand the test of time. Your grandmother would be proud.
Lillie is a Georgia native with a passion for literature, art, and history. She enjoys spending time with friends and family, working on her house – which she shares with a husband and two spoiled cats – and exploring the world around her.
In this second installment of Gift Guilt I will give you the steps on how to gracefully offer friends and family an easy opportunity to give a wedding gift to the couple who chooses to elope or have a tiny wedding.
In the first installment I wrote more about the philosophy behind this particular article and shared the first step of the guide.
Now that you’ve registered at your locations, go make yourself a wedding website. There are tons of free ones and they are all just about the same. Here are some to check out:
When you make your wedding website you get to upload photos and tell your story of how you got engaged. Spend some time on this, especially since most of your loved ones won’t be there to see your wedding. Sharing how you met and the journey of falling in love is always a beautiful one and will help friends and family feel close to you, even if they are far away. There will also be a section for for details about your wedding day, as well as a registry option. Fill out the registry section, you will come back to Wedding Day Details.
The second component is the wedding announcement. Before your wedding pick out a wedding announcement and have it made up. Don’t put any pictures on it, but make sure that you invite people to view photos from your wedding day at your wedding website. If your wedding website URL is ugly or long, you can go to to Tiny URL and custom make one.
You can also create a digital wedding announcement here and send it to your loved ones electronically, too. Punchbowl offers some great free options. Though, the suggestion is not instead of sending print announcements, but in addition to them
(If you are struggling with the wording for your announcement, scroll to the end of this post for some suggestions.)
After your wedding (Congratulations!!) update your wedding day details section of your wedding website with the story of your wedding day in the Wedding Day Details section. Be descriptive and really tell the story of your ceremony. This will not only help your loved ones imagine the scene better, but will also help cement the memories for you, too. Along with the story of your wedding day, upload the photos from the ceremony before you send your wedding announcements. The ideal time frame for this is within a week of your ceremony.
Now, here is the hard part: do not blanket your social media with all the photos from your wedding. I know it’s hard, but if your photos are everywhere, no one has any reason to go to the wedding website. Post two or three as teasers and then invite people to read the story of your big day at your wedding website.
And that’s it!
To recap:
- Register at stores with online registry options (enjoy the sku guns!)
- Create a wedding website
- Create a wedding announcement and work on getting addresses
- Get married
- Update your website the pictures and story of your big day
- Don’t upload tons of photos to social media
- Send announcements
- Get gifts
- Send thank you notes
This guide does not guarantee that you will receive boatloads of gifts from your family and friends. This guide does show you how to discreetly and gracefully give people the opportunity to do so, if they choose.
In another blog, I will show you the formula to write a great thank you note!
Elopement Announcement Text Ideas:
_________________________
Because we love you
We thought you should know…
We ran off and got married
Without a lot of show!
Carrie and David
Got married on March 11, 2015
In New York City
You were all in our hearts on our special day!
_________________________
Because you are good friends,
we thought you’d like to know
that we ran off and got married.
We did it on the go!
Jennifer Murray
and
Ashley Holt
tied the knot
on December 4th, 2018
Asheville, North Carolina
and now reside in their new home:
45 Green Place
Tampa, Florida
_________________________
Time moves so quickly and so, too, does life
we were so anxious to be husband and wife
our days were filled, our schedules too
so we ran off and said our I do’s!
Elizabeth Mooneyhan
and
Elijah Redman
eloped
on March 22, 2018
San Juan, Puerto Rico
and now happily at their home:
128 Camphor Circle
Tucson, Texas 12345
_________________________
We’re hooked on each other…
We cast our lines
into the sea of love,
and we both hooked a keeper!
Emily Miller
and
George Burdell
were married at sunset
May 21st, 2018
Clearwater Beach
Clearwater, Florida
_________________________
This blog is a two part series on the taboo topic of how to deal the etiquette of wedding announcements and gift registration for elopements and tiny weddings.
So, you’ve decided to elope or have a tiny wedding. Congratulations! I know you and your fiancé must be bursting with happiness! There are so many pros to your decision: you aren’t going into incredible debt for a party, if you are having a tiny wedding then your very closest friends and family will share an important and intimate life choice and of course and you won’t have to take on a part time job of event planning. There are cons, of course, the largest among them being that you won’t be getting many wedding gifts.
Now, before I go any further, let me acknowledge that all situations are not equal. Some couples have been living together for ages and don’t need or want wedding gifts. Some of you might find the very fact that I am writing about this topic to be tacky, selfish or greedy. I am writing this article because I couldn’t find anyone else giving advice on discreetly and graciously giving friends and family the option to buy a couple a wedding gift.
I don’t know how it became a commonplace requirement to give a wedding gift in return for being invited to a wedding- Maybe it was when the guest lists became so large that people didn’t truly know their wedding guests. This is not an exchange for goods and services.
The internet is filled with questions about bridesmaids feeling forced into giving multiple gifts or people who aren’t attending a wedding agonizing over whether to gift of not. No one should ever feel obligated to give a gift at a wedding. It’s about people wanting to celebrate your new life decision and you tactfully giving them the chance.
However, I believe there are three times in person’s life that friends and family should want to give material gifts to those whom they have close or long lasting relationships.
Those times are:
- High School Graduation – in our society graduation from high school is seen as the largest step toward adulthood. Graduation is the culmination of the work that one has done for nearly 60% of their life. Completing a 12 year project at the tender age of 18 is an accomplishment, indeed.
- First marriage (for either party)– Wedding gifts are given in celebration of what is yet to come. Two people have chosen each other to be partners, putting themselves aside to make room for a cohesive unit. Having someone to experience life’s ups and downs is integral to our happiness. Close friends and family bestowing a gift supporting the start of this life journey is why we practice this in the first place.
- First child – This is arguably the most important moment in one’s life. With the arrival of a first child life is forever changed. Those nearest and dearest to often want to help with either time or a gift to ease those first anxious months of parenthood.
There is a lot of advice out there preparing couples to not get wedding gifts if they elope. There is also a lot of debate about whether or not to put your registry on your wedding announcement if your elope. For the record, I believe that you should not put your registry on your wedding announcement.
How then, will people get your tactful gift receiving opportunity? I am going to tell you, step by step.
First, timing is the most important part of this whole thing. So, when you get engaged go register in three stores that have online registry options. Don’t worry if your date is super close, most places keep the registries active for at least a year after the wedding date. Also, don’t worry if you don’t know your date. Stores will allow you change it, you just have to remember to to do it when you finally settle on a date!
I personally advise going brick and mortar store to register because playing with the little SKU guns is fun and it’s something that you’re doing together. In my experience the sales people make a big fuss (by “big fuss” I mean a bag of coupons, a bottle of water and maybe chocolate). So it could be a fun time! Make sure you block off at least an hour per store because setting up the registry will take anywhere from 10-30 minutes.
Check back for the next installment on March 15 where I’ll explain how to set up everything for your elopement or tiny wedding registry!
How Disney Prevented Me From Finding Prince Charming
One afternoon last month Anna and her friend Missy were talking about childhood and fantasy. Missy felt like expounding on the topic for our reading pleasure! Thanks, Missy! You can check out her blog UPNEXTATL.
Cinderella Dancing with Prince Charming
Almost every girl in any first world country grew up on tales of Disney. A fair maiden princess who can’t help becoming a damsel in distress, held hostage by an evil witch or stepparent, and had to be rescued by Prince Charming.
A friend and I were discussing this on a Sunday afternoon drive. How Disney gave us young girls a dream to believe in. To be pure of heart and body and our prince will whisk us away to a happily ever after. And it was then my friend made an astute observation:
Why is the prince CHARMING? Charming isn’t necessarily a good quality to have.
I was stunned at how quickly the chord resonated when she said this. When I think of the word charming I think of George Clooney and Sir Michael Caine. Men I can’t help but fall for at the slightest smile. They are charming and practically perfect in my fairytale mindset.
Then I started thinking about all the charming men I’d met in my life. They were far from perfect. In fact, the most charming of men were con-artists.
Jordan Belfort, The Wolf of Wall Street
My Prince Charming was a young man with whom I attended school in London. We can call him Jake. Jake was 6’1″, luscious locks of curly brown hair, emerald green eyes, boyish dimples, and lashes for days. Anything he wanted from me he could get. I gave him answers to homework, cigarettes, shots at the bars, my gloves! I couldn’t say no because I knew at some point he would profess his love, passionately kiss me, and carry me away, where I would lose my virginity and live in a foreign land.
Back to Disney: Beauty and the Beast was ground breaking because Belle was smart and independent. She read books and refused to conform to gender and societal norms. Instead she did what she had to do to support her family through determination and autodidact-ness – based on her father’s failing business schemes I doubt Papa donated a wing to an Ivy League school resulting in Belle’s admittance and full scholarship.
I also loved how Gaston was the villain and oh-so-good-looking and charming. It teaches us that just because you are good looking and charismatic, it doesn’t make up for putting people down because of their gender, race, age, etc.
Before you start citing other Disney movies that have lead heroins, I am not bashing Disney or childhood fairy tales or men. In fact, I commend Disney, overall. While I have never seen Frozen, I hear it’s quite liberating and doesn’t feed into a good v evil as the only options for life. And I enjoy being swept up by a charming man over a drink or business as well. I just don’t use that as my reason to fall for them.
On my last night in London, I remember getting mad (and drunk) and telling Jake it wasn’t fair. He knew I couldn’t resist him and that he was using me. He wrapped me in his sheep skin jacket and brought me in so close. I thought, “This is it!” And then I watched him go home with one of the girls from my circle. I was crushed.
Rasputin from 20th Century Fox’s Annastasia, based on the real life story
In that moment I saw through what I call The Rasputin Effect – where one is so charming and convincing their words spill from their mouth and into your soul like oil moisturising your skin. You aren’t aware that the tingling sensation is actually alcohol poured onto an open wound until you’re writhing in pain (no Emo, I swear).
My point is not that you should or should not be looking for someone who is charming, but someone that knows how to use their powers for good more often evil – whatever that power or quality may be. There is a Prince Charming and a Con-Man in all of us, and chances are you’ll see both in your partner and yourself.
This blog is about why Anna and I chose our last name instead of defaulting to a family surname. You probably are getting the idea that we do things on our own terms and this was no different. Up until this July my name was Justin Smith and now it is Justin Holladay.
It’s not that I don’t like the name “Smith”, which is the most popular surname in America. According to the 2000 census there were 2.4 million Smiths, with Johnson a distant second at 1.9 million people. Though, the reason we chose our own last name is not because it is too common, which is also a perfectly fine reason to pick another last name.
My family growing up was not very strong and I had thought about changing my name many times since high school and in college I discovered the concept of “Chosen Family”. The idea that we can create family out of friends and non-blood relationships resonated with me deeply. If getting married is the ultimate way to choose your family, why not show another tangible sign that the road we are forging together is new and completely our own? We have started a brand new family, free from any baggage and with the privilege of creating new traditions.
The process was a little confusing, but by July I was a new man! The most frequently asked question we get is why we chose “Holladay”. There isn’t some deep reason . We chose Holladay because it is fun to write and say! I love the way all the loops come together in cursive and Anna can’t wait to send out our first holiday cards with “Happy holidays from the Holladays!”
In most places in Georgia you can go to your local court house and find the Superior Court office. Here you can find the Petition of Name Change form and fill it out and submit it. You will be given a court hearing date about 30 days from then. Place an ad in the classifieds of your local paper announcing your intention to change your name (the court will tell you how to do this), which will run four weeks. After the notice has run in the paper you simply return to the courthouse on the appointed hearing date and you will speak with the judge, wait, and leave with your official Decree of Name Change!
The whole process cost me ~$200 and a month of time. If you are interested in the doing something like this yourself find your local Superior Court, download the documents and get started!
Happily,
The Holladays
